Mother Goose goes daytime

Jack left Jill and went up the hill to catch a pail of water.
On coming down he heard a sound and checked to see what was the matter.
There Jill laid with that pumpkin eater Peter and Mary the contrary in quite a close "fit".
Jack so nimble, Jack so quick burnt down the pumpkin with his candlestick.

Positive Outlook (adapted)

A drunk man walked into a restaurant. He was dirty, and stunk of his own waste. He spotted a woman, and advanced...
"Heeeey b-b-baby!"
"Get lost, you drunk, smelly beast!"
"Well y-y-you know what? Yeah, I stink, but you UGLY! When I wake i-i-in the morning, I'll be clean and sober. B-b-but when you wake up, you'll still be ugly!"

bumming for sun

The bodies lay in the sun like cars at a theatre on opening night… packed! Sprawled with arms and legs away from their torsos, girls clad in bikinis, guys in their shorts, cuddling, laughing, sliding, playing Frisbee, basking in sun, rolling in sand… I mean grass…

GRASS!?

But wait… isn’t this the lawn in front of the university administration building?!

Learning the 'Last' Way

OK... 45 metres left. Still in last place. Come on, feet! Please, not last! My friends are already laughing!

YES! Poor sucker in lane 4 fell flat on his face... Seventh place.

20 metres left. Oh crap! You're kidding me. The guy got up; he's sprinting past me! My friends are rolling with laughter. Last place.

Shoulda stuck to swimming.

Ruptured membranes

Today I saw those eyes. Hauntingly staring at me. They brought tears to mine. I tried to look away but I just couldn't. My heart raced, my instincts said "RUN"! But I didn't. I screeeeeaaaammmmed and uttered not a sound. Pain swelled like the tide, but there was no ebb ebb ebb of relief.

I paid my taxes and left.

Nude vel up meants

Despite Seeking to alleviate the problem of limited mobility, there still exists a Le-an on resources. Our intrepid monk still presses on postulating and cerebrating, holding back on the salivating. For although a jack of all played, he'll father none. Fair-Le disillusioned by moral decay, passion's thrust is in plastics, wrapped and re-cycled, not littered streets or patter of feet.

a job secure

He sighs at the sight of another crashed computer screen, casually continues talking, and hits the reset button. It doesn’t faze him; he’s been here many times before. He asks the owner for a glass of water then gets busy, fixing. In the owner’s absence, he surreptitiously uploads the virus, ensuring he’ll get another call within a week or two.

Puppy Love

He sat on his porch, eyes drooping, head hanging low. His pain was obvious to the world. Though he never said it, all who knew him knew that he was very in love with her. He couldn't deal. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to ignore it- she was one really hot bitch, and he was castrated.

Love at arrow's first sight

Jane liked John. They went to the park and sat on a bench. Just then Jane dropped her purse and bent down to pick it up. As she sat upright, John left and introduced himself to Harry, who was passing by.

In the bushes, a groggy cupid lowered his bow. “Dammit, I missed. Shouldn’t have had that last tequila shot…”

there is no spoon

They hovered next to the edge, waiting to see if he'd pass the test. He stepped back, started running at high speed, and threw himself off the edge. He went sailing through the air and, just when he thought he'd make it to the other side, started falling. The cheering abruptly stopped as the bedbug went smashing into the carpet.

gagged

They sat in silence in the dusty basement waiting, but no one came. Wires connected each of them to each other, and to the instrument carefully placed below them. The air sat still as they thought about their fate. When it seemed like the last of their hope was gone, a loud bang erupted from the left. Someone started typing!

Dizzies arboutt maaw kenlean

Once upon a time in a yard not far away, four pans, four hands, two stands, two players met while making sweet music together.

He was the butt of many jokes because of his monkish vows. But that was what she had been seeking.

Serendipity on the serengetti led him to rope her. But will monk grope her?

The Beginning........

Bedtime Disturbances

"Honey, you know I love you, right?"
"(Yawns) You know I do baby. I love you too."
"And you know I appreciate you working so hard on the farm all day, right?"
"Yes sweets. I know. What's wrong?"
"Well, it's just that..."
"Spit it out."
"How do I..."
"Just say it!"
"You need a bath! You smell like a cow!"

superpeople got problems too...

Dammit, I shouldve known this was a hoax. Who “falls” off a building wearing something as skimpy as that? But she jumped cause she knew id rescue her. As the Man Of Steel ive got better things to do. But she looks real hot tho! Now ive got a problem…..she’s wearing a tight low cut top, and im wearing tights…

A priori - from what comes before

She slammed down the phone and fled into the couch.

Seconds ticked while she processed. She reached for the instrument that had just delivered that crushing blow and recoiled. It had connected her Ad Libitur through those difficult times of her escape to those she had left behind.

Now it brought HIM back! She knew she had to........ RUN!!! ....... AGAIN!!

In absentia

He lay on his back staring into the darkness. It reminded him of childhood games of hide and seek..... as he desperately tried to see through his eyelids. He wasn't sure where he was but knew that it was close quarters. He heard voices in the distance. Moans....... cries? ... laughter?! .....singing.

"Then sings my soooooul my saviour God to theeeeee......"

Drunks on a Cliff

He gripped his partner's hand tightly as she dangled off the side of the cliff, terrified. "Jan, pass me the money" he begged, as she gripped the briefcase with all their winnings.
As he grabbed for the case, their grip loosened. As he took the case, it flew open. Her hand slipped free. All the money, and his partner, disappeared.

Poetic Injustice

He made a date with disaster as he drove at 90 mph, weaving through heavy highway traffic, refusing to heed the warnings or yield to the pleading of his passengers (who were neither impressed nor amused with his indiscretion), and ultimately losing control of the vehicle as he tried overtaking one too many times.

All his passengers died.

He survived.

The Green Green Grass

His demeanor changed. Suddenly, he was happy, and relaxed. The ride was beyond the hustle and bustle state of hours past; now it was slow and bump-free. The air smelt better and better with even revolution of the tires that carried him along.

The tires stopped spinning. He sighed as he stepped out of the car. He was home.

Leader of the pack

The power is almost intoxicating. No one dare moves until instructed as such. His tool, long, pointed, slashes through the air, creating and destroying at will. His ‘gang’ follows his every lead, inspiring fear, sadness, whichever emotion they see fit. No one is safe.

He arrives.

Everyone goes quiet. Anxiety builds…

The conductor raises his baton. The orchestra gets ready…

In the midst

There was chaos around him, but...... he just strummed on his guitar. His vocals were mediocre at best. One doubted if he even knew what it meant to be in key. His lessons were experience, his key was life. His contentment was harmony enough. He couldn't hear the shots or see the fires raging. He simply sang while he played.

Unease

He sat in the back. Others shuffled by. He made room and smiled timidly at them. He hated making eye contact. The whole affair made him uneasy. Why did he have to be here? Other people avoided coming, why couldn't he?

"You're next my son."

He sighed and began...

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned my last confession was......"

Execution

He looked with a scowl on his face. This was the second time that he failed to execute the plan. He would not get many opportunities. He knew this and it made his past failures that much more annoying. Was his hesitation fear? He could do this.

Wait ..... opportunity..... This time he had to. No more hesitation.
Swat!!!

*@#%ing roach!

Great Sex!

The sex was... wonderful! More satisfying than they ever imagined.

The woman dropped back into the bed as her man hovered over her. They were exhausted. He wasn't sure how she was, because through it all she groaned more than she moaned. But now, she was beaming.

The sex was just how they wanted it- female. They had their daughter.

Plans gone awry...almost

The beer bellied drunkards. Flashing neon signs, dry stale peanuts, smoke in the air, swearing and cursing. The car breaking down on the way to their favourite restaurant. Stranded cold and wet in a run down bar on their anniversary. None of that mattered, except seeing her boyfriend through teary eyes down on one knee.

His plans wouldn’t be spoiled.

Night Shift

He studied for 10 hours, never once breaking. Afterwards, he went to work. He toiled all day, hammer to nail, drill to concrete, sweat to eyes, cuts and bruises along the way. Nobody there worked as hard as he did.

He woke up at 11 AM. It was all a dream. For the rest of the day, he did nothing.

burning desire

She needed him, more that ever.

She called out his name, ran her fingers through his hair, and arched her back for better access, pulling him toward her. He moved closer, pulled back the skin, and blew gently from his lips, causing her to shudder. He slowly placed his finger in the wet, sensitive area and finally removed the eyelash.

zzzzz

The dance between the alarm and the snooze button begins. The ‘ring’ and ‘slap’ continue until finally…

‘mmm…’

Body rolls over; eyes squeeze tight with a yawn, then slowly open and focus…

‘Oh CRAP!!!! Is THAT the time!!??’

---

‘Ladies and gentlemen, due to technical difficulties, we apologize for the delay of Air Jamaica flight number 56, non-stop to Kingston, Jamaica...'

He hears the call constantly now, he knows he shouldn’t answer, but it gets harder each day. He fights, but without conviction any more. “How Bad Can it be?” he asks, but he knows the answer.
“Time to go” says his coworker, taking him from his private struggle. Reluctantly he leaves the lunchroom. Day three survived, barely.

Tough day at work

Pencil through the eye. Or neck. Either would be fatal. Unfortunately still not comparable to the many times he penetrated her daughter, without her consent. It would be so easy, the straight jacket would ensure that. A life for a life.

But she must be professional. The court requires it.

She begins the evaluation. “So, tell me about your childhood…”