Tenor lyme this Saturday

"Man, this music is hype; can't remember the last time I heard this song."

"Probably before Lonnie and Daedrie-Ann dem were conceived, dear."

"Seriously though, ah out ah shape bad bad. I used to be the queen of
dandy-shandy; nobody could touch me."

"That was 10+ years ago dear."

"What you trying to say, I getting old?!"

"Not trying dear."

Lost in Translation

"How was your Jamaican vacation?"
"Bad! I was in a bad traffic accident, my fault, I was driving on the wrong side."
"Were you hurt?"
"My arm tore open. The other driver told me to remove my bloody clothing... and then, I think he was asking about some cloth for his cat. But I had NO idea who 'Bombo' was!"

Something Just Hit The Fan!

Work. Busy. Tasks. Deadlines. Hectic. Tired. Burnt. Weekend? No. Damn…

Boss. Assignment. Urgent. Critical.

Analysis. Figures. Commentary. Thoughts. Documents. Information. Research. Find. Digest. Conclude. Return. Submit. When? Yesterday!

Review. Correct? Submit... Wait. Errors. Damn. Fix. More. Shit. Time? None! Haste. Tick! Tock!

Boss. Assignment? Ready! Here.

Meeting. Managers. Report. Read. Discuss. What? Rubbish! Who? HIM! Punish!

Boss. Pissed!

Fired. Damn.

Helpless

Her screams pierced the cold night air, shattering the peaceful silence which existed just moments before into a million pieces.
As the dark figure entered the room and moved closer to stand over her, she cried out as if she was able to read the stray thought as it escaped his mind
"Why didn't I wear a condom that night?!"

Elevated Standards

"Oh my Gosh, did you see that body?"
"Eh; It was ok."
"Ok?! He had a perfect six pack, gorgeous back, and it looked like a quarter could be bounced on his ass. Normally you'ld be breaking your neck to look at a bod like that, and all you give him is an 'ok'. What's up?"
"Sorry... I saw 300."

Like A Virgin

He walked her through the door, all the time rubbing his hand on her firm body. She took a few steps inside and then stopped, seemingly satisfied with her position. He quickly got comfortable on the ground. She looked at him, and he could tell she was finally ready. He ever so gently felt her breasts...

Then, he milked her.

Her muscles ached from running but she couldn't stop now.
Whenever she considered leaving him she reminded herself that he had her best interest at heart despite the abuse.
Then she heard his voice and cringed
"Pick up the pace slowpoke. And after that you have 150 squats to do, and I want to see that ass touch the floor!"

Process of Elimination

Another dreadful day had come. The crowd withstood the showers as they said their final goodbye. Linda watched in agony, tears streaming down her pale, bruised face. He was really gone.

Her husband held her tightly as he watched his stepson being lowered six feet below. Then he smiled softly, turned to Linda, and whispered in her ear, "You're next."