Transition

He stood on the top of the hill looking back at the life he'd enjoyed. He smiled at the instances of joy, pain, ups, downs, triumphs, failures...... Wonderful memories, people.... He'd been truly blessed.

Regrets? Very few! He'd ensured that he enjoyed that which was given him thoroughly.

Then he turned, looked at his future............ and walked into her arms.

Just Better Than Cameras In The Bathroom

"Hey Chuck, you got any movies here? I wanna watch a mafia flick."

"Yeah, I do, but..."

"Totally cool! You have Scarface! I'm gonna watch Scarface!"

"NO!!! Take it out, dude... You're gonna get me arrested!"

“Shut up man! You’re totally paranoid.”

(Sirens wail outside)

(Man of horn): "Eject the DVD and put your hands where I can see them!"

When It's Time To Go...

Bruce had thought about it for months, even tried it before and couldn't work up the courage. But today was his day to go. His stomach turned and churned as he stepped close to the edge, and said his final prayer. He kissed his wife’s picture one last time.

“Hey Bruce, this is your spot! See you when we land!”

the writer

She was famous. They waited with great anticipation. She sold her final piece for millions before anyone even saw a single word. She was that good. She took her money and went on a long vacation, leaving no trail.

In a large corner office, the first copy of the masterpiece was opened slowly, expectantly. Out came a single page. Blank.

Littered streets

She vaguely remembered voices shouting........ calling her back. But she'd thought they were just trying to spoil her fun. Fun they could not have, chose not to have..... but .........she'd have listened had she known. Instead, constant cries and hungry mouths all day long, no end! She jumped the fence and ran until she could no longer hear................. their meowing.

Faith, Hope & Joy

Tired of suspecting that she'd been fed lies, Joy decided to leave. Hope wasn't so sure, and decided that she'd tough it out a little longer. And Faith, good old Faith allowed herself no time to consider anything negative.

Until finally, Joy, Hope and Faith met. At that point, it was clear- Trick was a cheating a**hole of a boyfriend.

Hours she spent on her masterpiece.
Working. Toiling. Paying attention to every little detail.
Tirelessly her limbs moved, adding delicate touches to make this artwork unique, special additions to make it her own.
Caught up in the task at hand, her surroundings now seemed like big blur, too insignificant for her to take notice
Until it was too late





SPLAT!

Panoridim... Humpty Dumpty style

Panoridim sat on a wall
Panoridim had a great fall
All the strong pan boys and all the pan men
Couldn’t get Panoridim together again.

Then there was a suggestion:
Let the pan ladies do it!!

I'm joking guys... ur not totally incapable... :D

Hi, My name is...

Addiction?!
No, I've never taken casual drugs or anything like that.

Well yeah, there's something I like doing regularly.

So it causes arguments sometimes but that's cause they don't understand.

Well it's fun and it's not hurting anyone.
Lot's of other people do it.

Don't be ridiculous.
I can stop playing whenever I want

but why would I want to?

Focused

“Look at her skirt… it’s hideous!”

“Did he use lotion this morning?”

“What a lapse! She just said ‘forHever’!"

“Is my makeup messed up? I hope not.”

“Wi get di ting dem, dem outta luck now…”

“Bwoy that movie last night was hardcore!”

“Lawx him can chat! Shut up now nuh!...”

“Would you look at that! Church is done already.”

We love you, but...

“Hi mom. Hi Dad. I have something to sh…”

“Before you start dear, we just want to let you know that we love you and have your best interest at heart. Since the day we laid our eyes on you, we knew you would be a special child.”

“What’s this about?” she says somewhat surprised.

“We want you out! Now!”

Everybody else has a life

“Hello… Hello. Is anybody in here?”
She wanders about the dim lit, seemingly abandoned room, as it resonates with every call she makes.

She stumbles over some of B’s books, sees D's cell phone he left to avoid calls, the work BC was stressing over, Seeker’s spelling list… She realizes someone’s there, hovering over a computer, reading/commenting on Aurora. BashmentBass.

She said

"Oh my Gaaawwwwwddd! No he didn't!"
(Sobbing) 'I didn't know what to do... he just......'
"Are you alright?"
'................nooooooooooooo!!' (wailing)
"So...... what are you gonna do....... I mean...... well .........you know what I mean!"
'I don't knoooooooooooooow! I can't breathe! I'm gonna die!' (hyperventilating)
"Everything will be alright, just calm down! So.... what did you say?"
'YES of course!'
"BITCH!"

He said

"Hold on, is what you tryin to seh to me?"
'I did it man.'
"Did what you ass? Stop beatin around di bush! Why you always have to be so damn cryptic?"
'You know already! Didn't you get my text?'
"No I never get no damn text... wait is dat text you talkin bout?!"
(Smiles) 'Yeah.'
"SH*T! You dumb f#ck!"

Pointless Conversations

He walks past several times a day, everyday, glancing in her direction, trying to make eye contact. She sees, but glues her eyes to the screen.
He realizes he’s not getting her attention and walks over... “Hey Q-D-P-I-E!”
“No creativity…” she thinks to herself.
He likes what he sees. He wants what he sees, but he doesn’t stand a chance.

Another Day In Paradise...

“Cool breeeeze… white saaand… warm hands allllll over me… girls… young girls… hot girls… mamma mia!!! This is paradise!!!”

His masseuse whispers, “Get up!..... Get up!............. GET UP!!!”

He jumps up, and realizes he’s in bed. His wife hovers over him. “You need to GET UP! The garbage needs dumping, the kids are late for school, the bills need paying…”

the experiment

“Anderson whats the status?”
“It’s getting worse sir!!”
“There’s nothing else we can do to contain it?”
“We’ve tried everything but its still spreading!”
“Jesus, I’ve never seen anything spread this fast…”
“We’re doomed…oh…God…”

On the other side of the world, the mad scientist cackled with glee.
“Ive done it!! Soon the whole world will be blogging in 60! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!”

When The Bough Breaks...

Hold on. You can do it. Hold on. You can do it. See the door, just ahead. Calm, belly, calm.

Just a few more steps. You can do it… Almost… You're there!

Enter the cubicle. Don't get anxious. Don't make it worse. Turn around. Good. Unbuckle. Good. Unzip. Good. Sit and let free!!!

Oh s#$%! I forgot about my underwear...

the mistake of a mistress

'I need help to get out! You're my best friend; you know I didn't kill her!'

'Ok, dude, calm down. I know you didn’t. I believe you.'

'How’s my wife?'

'Not good. She’s with me for a while. This hit her hard man.'

'I know. Thanks so much. Take care of her, ok?'

'Yea, of course... I’ll.... kill for her...'

Close Quarters

Our actions weren’t coordinated, but they weren’t unique. I’d look up, he’d look down, she’d check her watch. Eyes never made four. Lips never made conversation. We were close, yet distant. It was dead quiet, apart from the surrounding creaking of moving parts. We did it every day, but everyday was the same.

The doors opened. Man, I hate elevators.

Suffer them to come on to me

He looked around at the cheering, jeering crowd. "How had it come to this", he asked himself? He never meant to harm them. Afterall, he loved them. They were so innocent and pure..... unlike their greying counterparts, filled with such deception and hate! He remembered the happy moments with the childr.... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!

They applauded. He was pronounced. Revenge is sweet!

Mother Goose goes daytime

Jack left Jill and went up the hill to catch a pail of water.
On coming down he heard a sound and checked to see what was the matter.
There Jill laid with that pumpkin eater Peter and Mary the contrary in quite a close "fit".
Jack so nimble, Jack so quick burnt down the pumpkin with his candlestick.

Positive Outlook (adapted)

A drunk man walked into a restaurant. He was dirty, and stunk of his own waste. He spotted a woman, and advanced...
"Heeeey b-b-baby!"
"Get lost, you drunk, smelly beast!"
"Well y-y-you know what? Yeah, I stink, but you UGLY! When I wake i-i-in the morning, I'll be clean and sober. B-b-but when you wake up, you'll still be ugly!"

bumming for sun

The bodies lay in the sun like cars at a theatre on opening night… packed! Sprawled with arms and legs away from their torsos, girls clad in bikinis, guys in their shorts, cuddling, laughing, sliding, playing Frisbee, basking in sun, rolling in sand… I mean grass…

GRASS!?

But wait… isn’t this the lawn in front of the university administration building?!

Learning the 'Last' Way

OK... 45 metres left. Still in last place. Come on, feet! Please, not last! My friends are already laughing!

YES! Poor sucker in lane 4 fell flat on his face... Seventh place.

20 metres left. Oh crap! You're kidding me. The guy got up; he's sprinting past me! My friends are rolling with laughter. Last place.

Shoulda stuck to swimming.

Ruptured membranes

Today I saw those eyes. Hauntingly staring at me. They brought tears to mine. I tried to look away but I just couldn't. My heart raced, my instincts said "RUN"! But I didn't. I screeeeeaaaammmmed and uttered not a sound. Pain swelled like the tide, but there was no ebb ebb ebb of relief.

I paid my taxes and left.

Nude vel up meants

Despite Seeking to alleviate the problem of limited mobility, there still exists a Le-an on resources. Our intrepid monk still presses on postulating and cerebrating, holding back on the salivating. For although a jack of all played, he'll father none. Fair-Le disillusioned by moral decay, passion's thrust is in plastics, wrapped and re-cycled, not littered streets or patter of feet.

a job secure

He sighs at the sight of another crashed computer screen, casually continues talking, and hits the reset button. It doesn’t faze him; he’s been here many times before. He asks the owner for a glass of water then gets busy, fixing. In the owner’s absence, he surreptitiously uploads the virus, ensuring he’ll get another call within a week or two.

Puppy Love

He sat on his porch, eyes drooping, head hanging low. His pain was obvious to the world. Though he never said it, all who knew him knew that he was very in love with her. He couldn't deal. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to ignore it- she was one really hot bitch, and he was castrated.

Love at arrow's first sight

Jane liked John. They went to the park and sat on a bench. Just then Jane dropped her purse and bent down to pick it up. As she sat upright, John left and introduced himself to Harry, who was passing by.

In the bushes, a groggy cupid lowered his bow. “Dammit, I missed. Shouldn’t have had that last tequila shot…”

there is no spoon

They hovered next to the edge, waiting to see if he'd pass the test. He stepped back, started running at high speed, and threw himself off the edge. He went sailing through the air and, just when he thought he'd make it to the other side, started falling. The cheering abruptly stopped as the bedbug went smashing into the carpet.

gagged

They sat in silence in the dusty basement waiting, but no one came. Wires connected each of them to each other, and to the instrument carefully placed below them. The air sat still as they thought about their fate. When it seemed like the last of their hope was gone, a loud bang erupted from the left. Someone started typing!

Dizzies arboutt maaw kenlean

Once upon a time in a yard not far away, four pans, four hands, two stands, two players met while making sweet music together.

He was the butt of many jokes because of his monkish vows. But that was what she had been seeking.

Serendipity on the serengetti led him to rope her. But will monk grope her?

The Beginning........

Bedtime Disturbances

"Honey, you know I love you, right?"
"(Yawns) You know I do baby. I love you too."
"And you know I appreciate you working so hard on the farm all day, right?"
"Yes sweets. I know. What's wrong?"
"Well, it's just that..."
"Spit it out."
"How do I..."
"Just say it!"
"You need a bath! You smell like a cow!"

superpeople got problems too...

Dammit, I shouldve known this was a hoax. Who “falls” off a building wearing something as skimpy as that? But she jumped cause she knew id rescue her. As the Man Of Steel ive got better things to do. But she looks real hot tho! Now ive got a problem…..she’s wearing a tight low cut top, and im wearing tights…

A priori - from what comes before

She slammed down the phone and fled into the couch.

Seconds ticked while she processed. She reached for the instrument that had just delivered that crushing blow and recoiled. It had connected her Ad Libitur through those difficult times of her escape to those she had left behind.

Now it brought HIM back! She knew she had to........ RUN!!! ....... AGAIN!!